30 Nov 2011

Cerita...Kisah nyata di Clubbing

Nih, yg suka Clubbing mohon disimak baik2…terutama buat para pria…..Suwer deh…kejadian Jumat malam minggu lalu di sebuah Club di Jakarta…
BEGINI:
Seorang bartender bernama dedy melihat seorang wanita muda masuk ke barnya. Cantik dan sangat sexy. Rok ketat pendek. . Penampilannya sangat menggoda dan mengguncang iman laki-laki manapun yang melihatnya.

Wanita itu memesan 1 sloki Chivas sambil melontarkan kerling mengundang, menghabiskannya dalam sekali teguk, lalu beranjak ke toilet.

Beberapa saat kemudian dia keluar dan langsung menghampiri si bartender.
"Kamu manajer di sini?", tanyanya dengan desis lembut sambil membelai ringan dagu bartender. (Bartender mulai berdegup jantungnya.).

"B..b..bu..bukan."

29 Nov 2011

Cerita...Pasien RS Jiwa

Seorang pasien RSJ terlihat tertawa-tawa sendiri sambil berdiri di samping sebuah!Toyota Landcruiser milik seorang Dokter
'ih Dokter payah masa 4x4 ga tahu sih!' kemudian dia menuliskan '=16' di belakang tulisan 4x4 dengan menggunakan sebuah batu tajam dan kemudian pergi.

Saat Dokter pemilik mobil itu sadar bahwa mobilnya telah di baret, dia sangat kesal, lalu membawanya ke bengkel cat utk merap...ikan mobilnya

... Setelah beberapa saat hal yang sama terulang,kembali. Si pasien RSJ berpikir, 'Wah memang selain payah, Dokter ini keras kepala juga...'
Lalu dia mengambil batu tajam dan menulis lagi '=16' seperti saat itu.

Karena terjadi terus menerus, si pemilik mobil itu putus asa, akhirnya dia sengaja menuliskan '=16' di belakang logo '4x4' dengan dicat dan dibuat sebagus mungkin.

Akhirnya orang gila itu melihat mobil tsb dan dilihatnya sdh tertulis '4x4=16'.

'Nah ini baru benar' pikirnya (sambil ambil batu lagi) dan kemudian dia menulis dibawahnya....
'PINTEERRR....!! Kalo 2x2 berapa??'

Cerita...Life in the World

Sometimes we are not aware that life in this world is a prison. Let's take a look at the back of our ancestors, Adam and Eve. And as we know Adam and Eve came to this earth in the status of serving, as it had breached the God.
This World is only temporary residence for offspring Adam and Eve. In consequence,
It is extremely ill-advised if humans made the world as a place to have fun, let alone assume the world is everything, a place to build the earthly powers.
If we understand the fact that a prison, we would not simply have a good handle mundane things, but in fact the world is a place for introspection.
It's not that we're resigned to not do anything because the status of the prison, but this world we should be able to find how the body is still growing. These bodies need to eat and drink, eat and drink in order to achieve that we have to move, we must seek and we should be looking for the quality of food and drink it.
It means in achieving food and beverage quality it has to go through a quality way, also not obtained from the way.
In addition to food and beverages, we also need a spiritual needs. To reach the spiritual needs of quality, we should be holding on to the thought that, as of today must be better than the yesterday and tomorrow shall be better than today. With the holding on rule, our quality of life will be good.
If we pass to the food and beverage quality, quality spiritual world as a place of imprisonment can give value to the quality of the man himself, and when completed serving in prison and out of jail (read: the world) and enter into eternal life, the quality of us as a great-grandson of Adam and Eve can be used to provision the eternal world.

27 Nov 2011

Cerita...Dikatain Homo...

ada percakapan seorang anak laki laki dan bapaknya
Bapak : Kenapa nangis nak
Anak : Aku dikatain sama temen
Bapak : Dikatain apa nak?
Anak : Dikatain HOMO!
Bapak : Kamu katain balik aja atau tonjok aja
Anak : Aku gk mau nonjok dia!
Bapak : Kenapa?
Anak : Masalahnya dia ganteng

26 Nov 2011

How and When To Make Humour at Work!


by: Lionel Estridge
A good laugh will do wonders for you as smiling and laughing lowers your stress levels, wins you a friendly reputation, and helps your usually tense co-workers and bosses to relax.
Humour on the job will do a lot for your career, but there are a number of things you need to know about laughter and humour in the place of work.
Feeling good and having humour in our lives can do wonders for our position and productivity, which means that there is definitely a place for some humour on the job. Having a smiling face will help your co-workers and supervisors feel better being around you, and you may well end up reaping rewards by laughing more in the workplace. But you need to know how to apply humour in your work environment.

Laughing has been proven to be a huge stress reliever, letting you feel better and becoming more productive. To be able to loosen up and have some fun is great, so why not take that approach to work each

25 Nov 2011

"Telor & Tempe gosong" (Motivation)

Dua puluh tahun telah berlalu, namun masih terbayang jelas kenangan indah itu:
Suatu malam, ibu yg bangun sejak pagi, bekerja keras sepanjang hari, membereskan rumah tanpa pembantu, jam tujuh malam ibu selesai menghidangkan makan malam utk ayah yg sgt sederhana berupa telur mata sapi, tempe goreng, sambal teri dan nasi.

Sayangnya karena mengurusi adik yg merengek, tempe dan telor gorengnya sedikit gosong! Saya melihat ibu sedikit panik, tapi tdk ϐίsα  berbuat banyak, minyak gorengnya sdh habis. Kami menunggu dgn tegang apa reaksi ayah yg pulang kerja, pasti sdh capek melihat makan malamnya hanya tempe dan telur gosong.

Luar biasa! Ayah dgn tenang menikmati dan memakan semua yg disiapkan ibu dgn tersenyum, dan bahkan berkata, "Bu terima kasih ya!" Lalu ayah terus menanyakan kegiatan saya & adik di sekolah.

Selesai makan, masih di meja makan, saya mendengar


24 Nov 2011

Cerita...Sepasang suami istri muda...


Sepasang suami istri yg baru ja menikah, mereka tengah berbaring.Sang istri telah bersiap-siap tuk tidur sedangkan suaminya malah menyalakan lampu tuk membaca sebuah buku di samping istrinya.
Pada saat tengah membaca,si suami sekali2 berhenti sejenak, lalu memasukkan tangannya ke dalam celana isterinya . Lantas ia meneruskan bacaanny lagi. Ia kembali melakukan hal ini berkali-kali sehingga lama-kelamaan isteriny menjadi terangsang. Tak lama kemudian, istrinya bangun , duduk pada badan suaminya serta mulai membuka baju & celananya.
Suaminya menjadi heran dengan perbuatan isterinya ini & bertanya,
“Apa-apaan ini ? Kok lepas baju segala sih?”
Jawab istrinya, Kamu memasukkan jarimu berkali-kali. Aku pikir itu adalah pemanasan & kau ingin ‘mengajakku’ malam ini…”
“hahhh..., nggak sama sekali K̶̲̥̅̊oq !”, jawab suaminya.
Istri :“Lantas, kenapa kau melakukan itu terus-menerus ?”
Suami : “Aku cuma membasahi jariku agar bisa membalik halaman pada buku yg sedang aku baca !!.”
Istri:…..???>><<MMN??>><!!!!!

20 Nov 2011

Cerita...Professor and Student in the exam


After having failed his exam in "Logistics and Organization", a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"
Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"
Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the exam. "
Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"
Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?" Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.

Cerita...Don't shout..Life or convenient

In a village there was a rich divorcee, with no children and so sexy on every young man
who saw her, on the other time there was a youth who worked to rob,
and arose in his mind to rob the house of the rich divorcee.
As a result the young man managed to enter the house through the roof and it was the divorcee's room.
And at that moment the widow slept without clothes. Another intention emerged in the young man's mind
then he slipped down the bed of the divorcee.
And it shocked her because there was glass under the bed that nudged by him
the widow finally woke up, them the robber straightly pulled a machete and threatened her:

"Do not shout, LIFE or CONVENIENT ??!!" half bluffing.

Cerita...How may I help you..?

"Hello? Is this the technical Information system room ?"

"Yes, this is Nofiardi speaking. How may I help you today?"

"I think my diskettes are faulty. I keep getting the error message bad or invalid disk operation"

"I can help you, but I will need a copy of your defective diskettes to help me diagnose the problem. Could you send a copy to our room?"

A few days later, a package arrived for Nofiardi from the customer. The package contained several photocopied pages, they were copies of the diskettes.

Cerita...In the gardener's apple patch

A little kid was looking at the large ripe apple growing in the gardener's apple patch. "I'll give you my two hundred Rupiah for that apple," said the boy pointing to a beautiful, large, ripe fruit in the middle of the patch.

"No," said the gardener, "I get five hundred Rupiah for an apple like that one." The little boy pointed to a tiny apple just beginning to grow on a nearby, "Will you take two hundred Rupiah for that one?"

"Sure," replied the gardener, "I'll give you that one for two hundred Rupiah."

"OK," said the little kid, sealing the deal by putting the coin in the gardener's hand, "I'll pick it up in about two weeks."

Cerita...Miss Universe Pageant


It is the final round of the Miss Universe Pageant and the 3 finalists, Miss USA , Miss Malaysia and Miss Singapore are being asked 3 simple questions:

MC: The first question is name me an electrical appliance starting with 'L'
Miss USA : Lamp
Miss Malaysia : Light bulb
Miss Singapore : LADIO
Judge: No, no, Radio does not start with the letter 'L'

MC: I am going to give you 3 more chances; Now, name me an animal starting with the letter 'L'
Miss USA : Lion
Miss Malaysia : Leopard
Miss Singapore : LABBIT
Judge: No, no, no!

MC: Your next chance. The name of a famous car that starts with 'L'

Cerita...Wo Xing Deng....

Deng Ing Ming, seorang pria Taiwan yang sangat kaya tetapi tidak memiliki kemampuan berbahasa Inggris tiba di airport New York.

Setelah mengantri di imigrasi, saat mencap paspor, petugas menanyakan beberapa pertanyaan untuk mengetahui kunjungannya ke USA .

Pertanyaan pertama imigrasi: "Apa nama terakhir dari Presiden Pertama kami?"

Karena tidak mengerti bahasa Inggris dengan baik, dia menduga bahwa petugas menanyakan nama keluarganya (surname). Lalu dia menjawab: "Wo xing Deng (dibaca: wo sing Teng)." Dalam Mandarin berarti: "Marga saya Deng"). Fyi, dalam budaya Chinese, orang Chinese selalu memperkenalkan marganya dulu saat kenalan pertama kali.

Petugas mendengar "Washington! " (sama bunyinya) lalu dia melanjutkan ke pertanyaan ke-2: "Untuk apa kamu mau pergi ke US?"

Pikirnya, secara logis tentu sekarang dia menanyakan nama saya. Lalu dia menjawab: "Xiaoping."
Petugas mendengar :


17 Nov 2011

Cerita...Percakapan suami istri

Suami : Ma … Kamu itu A-B-C-D lho….
istri : O,yach …… apa itu ?
Suami : Asik, Baik, Cute & D’best lahh…

istri sambil tertawa kesenangan bilang : Makassiiiiiiiyyy …
Suami : E-F-G-H juga Looh …
istri : Apa lg tuuuuuh … ??
Suami : Elegant, Famous, Good person, Hebat banget lah pokoknya … !!
Si istri mulai salah tingkah, dan sambil mukanya merah merona berkata : Aachh .... jadi maluuu …
Suami : Dan juga I-J-K-L … !!

Cerita...Jika logika anda jalan

5+3+2 = 151022
9+2+4 = 183652
8+6+3 = 482466
5+4+5 = 202541

If :...

(7+7+7 = ...... ?) The answer is....?

If your answer correct, your IQ is 120 above
(and the answer is 494991)

Cerita...Tahukah kamu...?

"Tahukah kamu...? yg membuat indah dari BIDADARI-BIDADARI ternyata adalah DADA"nya, bayangkan, BIDADARI-BIDADARI tanpa DADA....mereka bakalan jadi BIRI-BIRI..."

Cerita...Kambing si orang gila

Mari kita ketawain orang gila ini: Seorang gila lagi ketawa tawa sendirian dipinggir jalan.

Lewatlah seorang membawa kambing.

Org gila : Hari gini jalan jalan bawa monyet Ўªãª ?
Org lewat : Dasar gila, Ɣªήğ gini namanya kambing tau, bukan monyet !

Org gila : Gua nanya sama kambing bukan sama elu...°

Cerita...Percakapan mang beca dengan Istrinya

Istri: Bang, coba lihat dech Tetangga baru kita yg didepan... Setiap mau pergi kerja,Suaminya selalu meluk dan nyium Istrinya--- Setiap pulang Kerja dia selalu bawain Bunga Mawar terus meluk dan nyium lagi..Abang bisa ga kaya gitu??
Suami:'''' iya sich Mam, Abang juga pengen gitu- tapi Abang belum kenal sama Istrinya....

Cerita...Bebek si nenek

Suatu hari ada seorang nenek2 Tiong hoa yg memelihara bebek,tiba2 pada suatu malam bebeknya dipukul warga karena bebek itu telah merusak lingkungan mereka.

Begitu nenek itu tau bahwa bebeknya dipukul warga bahkan sampe abis bulu bebeknya, nenek itu ngamuk dan pergi ke kantor camat utk lapor tindakan itu. Tiba2 di tengah jln dia ketemu seorang bapak" orang madura. dan terjadilah percakapan:

Bapak": Mau kemana mak nyah?

(karena tidak begitu lancar berbahasa indo,si nenek pun bilang)
Nenek": Ngai mo puki kentot camat. (saya mau pergi kantor camat)

Bapak": Kenapa??


Cerita...Testing sekretaris

Setelah serangkain ujian dan test, akhirnya terpilihlah 5 orang wanita cantik untuk memperebutkan 1 posisi sebagai sekretaris di sebuah perusahaan. Si Bos bingung memilih mana dari kelima wanita tersebut, karena semuanya memiliki kualifikasi yang baik.

Akhirnya si Bos pun melakukan tatap muka dengan ke 5 calon sekretaris nya tersebut.

Bos: "Oke, kalian ber-5 telah berhasil melewati serangkaian ujian dan test yang berat. Sekarang adalah ujian terakhir. Sayangnya saya hanya akan memilih 1 diantara kalian untuk menempati posisi sebagai sekretaris saya di perusahaan ini, dengan gaji 30 juta/bulan."

Si Bos menghela nafas sebentar, "cantik-cantik semuanya," batin si Bos.

"Oke, Sekarang, saya membutuhkan 1 jawaban terbaik & logis dari kalian.
Pertanyaannya: Wanita memiliki 2 mulut! Yaitu mulut atas, dan mulut bawah, apakah perbedaan dari kedua mulut tersebut?" Tanya si Bos akhirnya.

15 Nov 2011

Cerita...DRUNK DRIVING STORIES

Three blokes are driving around, drinking beers and having a laugh when the driver looks in the mirror and sees the flashing lights of a police car telling him to pull over.
The other two are really worried. "What are we going to do with our beers? We're in trouble!"

"No," the driver says, "it's OK, just pull the label off your bottle and stick them on your foreheads, and the bloke pulls over.

The police officer then walks up and says, "You lads were swerving all around the road back there. Have you been drinking?"

"Oh, no, officer," says the driver, pointing to his forehead, "We're trying to give up, so we're on the patch."